I have not enough of one and more than I should of the other. This should answer The Lion‘s question of why I complain all the time.
Blessed Be…
M. Michelle
Do You Know What Today Is?
16
Sep
2011
2011
After searching high and low for gainful employment for almost two years, one year ago today I became a full-time employee of Crete Carrier Corporation’s terminal here in Columbus! How I came upon the position is quite the testament of how wondrously the Universe works.
After not having much success with Monster.com in a decades worth of Sundays (I swear, they make the phrase “It takes money to make money” to whole new level with that premium account crap), I stepped out on what may be considered faith and updated my resume a couple of months after I moved to Columbus, just for S and G’s. After two failed attempts with local staffing agency’s I received a call from an agency located in Lincoln, Nebraska. It was a miracle in itself that I even answered the call that day since I’m known for ignoring numbers I don’t know, but on the other end of the line was an Elizabeth with Celebrity Staffing offering me a temporary front desk admin position for a woman going on maternity leave. Initially I was perplexed because it made no sense that a staffing agency in another state would be calling me, especially since my Monster profile proclaims my unwillingness to relocate. But then she explained that the place I’d be assigned to was locate, and as luck would have it, right around the corner (three point one miles to be exact) from where I live. While I was not at all interested in temporary work having had bad luck with staffing agencies in the past, I was very much interested in having some sort of income. So I interviewed, received a call back and went to work on July 7th, 2009.
From day one I was in love with my job and the company I worked for. So much so that when a permanent admin position just so happened to open up in the shop, I applied for it August 3rd, interviewed for it August 4th and found I was landed the position on August 5th. A week or two later, when we learned that the person I had been sub’ing for decided not to come back, I petitioned to remain in the front office position and was given the green light to do so, much to my delight as well as everyone there in the office. And the rest, is Crete Carrier history!
Since hiring into Crete there have been a lot of shifts and changes to our terminal roster that have shaken up the snow globe so to speak. Those shifts have caused more than their fair share of personal and professional stress. But through it all I have remained as in love with my job as I was back in July of last year. Every day presents different challenges and opportunities to learn; new personalities to acquaint myself with and obstacles to overcome. I have made some wonderiffic connections with drivers and colleagues company wide, and even had the opportunity to spend a week at our HQ out in Lincoln for “training” with some pretty kick ass people. In short, it has all been a blast and I remain grateful for the out-of-the-blue call from that out of state staffing agency that made this all possible.
While I can’t say that that every day of this past year at the House ‘O Crete has been a bowl of cherries (ineffective managers, busy body coworkers, etc, etc.) I’ve heard and personally received very positive reviews for my performance from various sources, which is proof how far I’ve come in my personally development. I’ve gone from resenting having to augment my life, standards and goals to work for someone else, to loving my time at work and actually missing that place when I’m not there. Before now it was nothing for me to walk off a job for a lot less stressful situations than I’ve experienced in this year at Crete (My Cousin the Actress and I are a lot alike in this respect. *lol*). In short, my work ethic has done a total 180 from where it was since my last “corporate” position. I go in early, I stay late… Hell, I sometimes get fussed at for working off the clock! Yes, you read that right. *lol* That is how much I love my job. And now that I have a new boss whose ideals about terminal functionality are very, very close to my own, I can tell that I will be loving my job that much more in the very near future.
So it’s my anniversary at the company where I plan to fully develop a long term career. Here’s to another year and counting!
Blessed Be…
M. Michelle
10 Things I Forgot I *LOVED* About Motherhood
13
Sep
2011
2011
In the month since the E-Boys have been here in Columbus I have been painfully reminded of all those delightful tidbits of being a full-time mother that have been absent over my almost three year hiatus, where apparently there were endless Conga lines of excitement and Jello shots.
[I don't know... Conga lines and Jello shots just seem to go hand in hand]
Well as I sit here at my dinette table on a cooled Tuesday evening way past my bedtime, I feel compared to share these recollections with all two of you (or maybe it’s four, although the Widget over there says at least six, not counting myself… Meh) so that you too can share in the joy. You ready? Here we go.
10. Debating the fact that something was said, because Mom couldn’t possible have heard it from ~4 feet away… Although I whisper the same way a troop of elephants tiptoes through the jungle. Example:
Random E-Boy: … And then your hair will catch fire because you crossed your eyes.*
Mom: Why did you tell him that?
Random E-Boy: What?
Mom: That his hair would catch fire if he crossed his eyes.
Random E-Boy: I didn’t say that.
Mom: I just heard you!
Random E-Boy: What I said was [insert explanation that is as plausible as tits on a bull]
Mom: *blank stare – walks away*
* Dramatized overheard conversation, but pretty much just as silly
9. Being asked “Mom can I have/do/go/see if I do [whatever it is they're supposed to be doing anydamnway]” five million seventy-two times in a twenty-four hour period known as “Mom’s Off Day”.
8. Having to repeat “Pull up your pants”, Get your feet off the table”, “Sit up on the couch”, “Just because you’ve worn something once does not mean it’s dirty” or just flat out “NO!” almost as many times in a week as the question Mom has been asked in the above bullet point.
7. The expectation that Mommy having a job automatically equates to loads of disposable income, allowing Mommy to pay rent, utilities, car note, car insurance, buy food and clothes and other necessities, and still have enough left over to pay for that game system, dinner out or trip around the moon the kids are just dying to have.
6. Senseless arguments about senseless arguments.
5. The constant reminders of bedtime, which comes the same time every friggin night, despite there being a clock on the cable box the kids just so happen to be watching thirty minutes after said bedtime has passed.
[And at least one of the boys owns a watch that I bought him. Go figure.]
4. The inability to comprehend that in order for the car to go anywhere, with Mom’s job taking top priority of the where most needed to be gone to, gas must be purchased… And after that trip to the moon she purchased earlier in the month, Mommy is just plain tapped out.
3. That thimbleful of pop/Kool-Aid/juice/water/rum left in the refrigerator that couldn’t possibly have fit in the 8 oz tumbler that 5 oz of liquid was previous poured into.
[The rum was thrown in there for comedic value. There is never any rum left in my house after it's initially been opened.]
2. Cereal bowls/plates/pots of food placed in the refrigerator when there’s tons of storage containers (WITH lids) in an accessible cabinet right next to said refrigerator, causing Mom to freak out and believe there’s a kitchen Gnome stealing all the dishes.
And the number one things I totally forgot rocked out loud about motherhood:
1. No matter how many hours Mom works in a day, coming home to a sink full of dishes, every glass in the house used and set on just about every flat surface in the apartment, food, or particles thereof, left on the stove, shoes, clothes and school paraphernalia scattered to the four winds, items on the floor that have been stepped over at least ten times since they were left there… And being expected to clean it all up and make dinner before she has to be to bed in order to lather, rinse and repeat the next day.
*sigh*
It does get easier, doesn’t it?
Blessed Be…
M. Michelle
Not Da Momma!!!
09
Sep
2011
2011
So, the STBE has gotten engaged just three months after starting a new relationship with someone he’s only known a little under two years. While I could easily fill up several posts on why this is a stupid move on his part, considering how his last rebound marriage (the one with me in it) turned out, I’ll refrain. At 42 and three quarter years old that man has every right to make whatever decision he feels necessary to satisfy his relationship needs/wants/desires/whatever, right? With that being said, I honestly hope the third time is a charm and that the third Mrs. Smith turns out to be everything the first two weren’t/couldn’t be.
Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I can’t help but feel a certain way about this recent turn of events where it concerns my two minor children; how it all came about and how it seems, at least for the third time that I know of, some random woman has been thrust upon the boys simply because their dad was feeling lonely. Now, I can’t play the part of the pot considering The Lion and I have been in a “relationship” for almost three years and went from meeting one another to living together in about four months. But in my defense, as with my previous relationship with Island Guy (aka Boyfriend Emeritus), my relationships did not incorporate my children until I was fully comfortable with the person I was dating. It took almost a year for either IG or TL to meet any of my children, let alone sleep in the same house they were in. The situation with the STBE went from the boys being introduced to this women within weeks of their meeting, her being at the house just about every day after about a month, then her being moved in without prior discussion of the matter. There’s just something wrong with that picture, or maybe I’m retarded.
But even beyond the time limit in which the boys were introduced to the future Mrs. Smith, what I can’t help but feel more than a little bit grated by is the fact that this woman was being allowed to step into the role of psuedo-step mom. I mean she’d gone as far as calling Saburo “my baby”, tagging herself in Facebook pictures of them, posting their pictures on her wall with the caption “The Kids” and sending them family requests which listed her as mother. Am I missing something? In the four years that the STBE and I have been separated there has not been an instance where either of the two men I’ve dated have been inserted into my children’s lives as anything other than my boyfriend. Not stepdad, not second dad, not third parent. They’ve been accepting of the fact that I have children and cordial in the presence of the children, but the boundary was set from jump: their relationship is with me, not my children. The STBE is the only dad my two younger children have known for the past thirteen years, and I was not about to disrespect that relationship simply because I found someone to spend time with.
Being the communicative person that I am, when I attempted to talk to the STBE about this – for the third time in four years - I was labeled by him as bitter because he’d found someone who loves him and accepts him with all his “baggage”. Funny. If that were the case I would have been raising Cain when I was first told about the relationship, or any other time that she and I have come in contact when I was in Detroit. So it seems someone is a bit delusional. And not only have I tried to speak to him about this. Saburo, our nine year old, tried to express the uneasiness he felt about the situation only to be told he needed to get to know the girlfriend better. What the…? Maybe that “getting to know her better” period should have been instituted prior to her being injected into his life without any real consideration for how it would affect him.
I’ve dropped all attempts at trying to communicate this point to the STBE, and at that point the only thing I could do was be grateful that the boys were no longer in the situation and I could regulate the matter appropriately.
Blessed Be…
M. Michelle
Baker’s Dozen – 05/2011/09
05
Sep
2011
2011
1. An early morning alone at The House ‘O Crete = BLISS.
2. First I lost my Jeremie and now I’m losing my Tim!!! *pout*
3. Julie is definitely one of my most favouritest Crete people EVAR.
4. TONY’S HERE!!!!!! TONY’S HERE!!!!! TONY’S HERE!!!!!
5. I totally love working Saturdays and would agree work every one in exchange for getting off an hour early Tuesday through Friday.
6. All shop trucks and breakdowns present and accounted for… Now I can go to the homestead.
7. Dernit… I forgot to snag the rest of Tony’s welcome cake for the foals.
8. The Lion’s home from the Land of Cleave… with rooooooooo-seeees!!!
9. Calm and easy Sunday morning with my journal, meditation tunes on Spotify and the foals sleeping in = NICE.
10. “Good morning, Mommy” hugs = MAGIC.
11. I don’t think I can say this enough…I’m so very grateful my boys are here instead of Detroit.
12. Anxious to get back to work but ever so grateful for the extra chill day with the E-Boys and The Lion.
13. (summary) Happy work life + Happy home life = Happy life. Period!
###
*NOTE: The Baker’s Dozen was developed from a meme for a defunct Vox Group by JustSayKB. The object is, come up with 12 thoughts/quotes/link/whatever and one photo (it can be one that you take personally or a Net find) that best describes your weekend. I’ve expanded it to 13 to represent a true baker’s dozen, but that’s just cause I’m anal about stuff like that. *lol*
Blessed Be…
M. Michelle, who is loving and living life to the fullest right now.
Love is a Many Splintered Thing
04
Sep
2011
2011
It’s getting close… I can feel it!
The countdown to the day when I relinquish my title of “wife” for the second time in fourteen years has begun, and it is an occasion that fills me with a sense of anxiety and reflection. Anxiety because this move has been a long time in the making and will close the chapter on a part of my life that is no longer relevant. The STBE and I have been separated for about four years now although the marriage had been a tumultuous one since about its second year. I’ll chalk it up to both of us rebounding into something we thought had promise before really knowing ourselves or each other. *Kanye shrug* It happens.
The STBE and I agreed not not to divorce while our two youngest boys were living with him so that I could get my feet on the ground here in Columbus with little complication. Having your mother absent from the home is stressful enough, but to have her absent while going through what could possibly be a really complicated severance… That was not something I personally wanted to take Jiro and Saburo through. So we waited, which I think was a responsible move, all things considered. Luckily, he and I had enough compromise in us to make this part of the marriage work as best we could. For the most part we saw each other as partners working towards a common goal of raising sons despite our incompatibilities. He did his part and I did mine. Sometimes those parts didn’t exactly square up but we did the best we could with what we had and made do. That, essentially, is what marriage is about, right? Now that the bonds of matrimony are no longer necessary for us to work together, I think it’s only fair that we severe them so we each can move on. Of course we’ll still be partners in the same aim of developing our sons into productive citizens, but for everything else… Dissolution is quintessential.
When any marriage dissolves the participants — if they choose to give themselves time to reflect — oftentimes find themselves looking back over there years together to discover what went wrong and who was the blame for it. As for me, I have had a pretty good idea what went wrong for quite awhile now but had been hesitant to do anything about it due to fear. Fear of failure, fear of being alone, fear of my own independence. One of the reasons I remained married twelve years longer than I should have was for the extra pair of shoulders to share the responsibility if anything went wrong. It gave me an excuse to do less than I know I was capable of, because if things got tough – which they did a lot of the time – I could just point a finger and state “We were unsuccessful.” That way, I didn’t feel as bad for not living up to my potential.
The past three years have shown me that I really had nothing to fear, I just need to believe in me a little bit more than I did. I’m not perfect but I am perfecting. There’s no way for me to escape making mistakes as a single parent, but there are ways for me to recognize and work to correct the mis-steps I do make so they aren’t repeated. I don’t need to be married for that, I just need to be diligent in doing the best I can with the me that I am. So my fears were unfounded and now I can move forward.
At 37, on the cusp of becoming the second ex-Mrs. Vaughn Allyn Smith, I doubt I’ll ever get married again. Twice is enough to realize when something just isn’t for you and I’ve learned over the years that a big party and legal ties are not always the next logical step in a committed relationship. My two marriages have taught me that, for better and for worse. Things are complicated enough when you’re just trying to make the best of your time together with someone while continuing to learn yourself. Throw the m-word in there and things, for me, just get get jabberwocky. Of course I can never say never because anything can happen. But for the moment it’s definitely off the radar.
Blessed Be…
M. Michelle
